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The Meaning of
Life
June 26, 2003
The
following is a little different from the normal "rambling" I
will post in here. This is actually a 90% replica of a talk I did in
2003 at a ministry weekend called The Awakening. This is a
three day experience for high school aged boys and girls that is
intended to give them an opportunity to come to know and/or to grow in
their relationship with Jesus Christ. I had the privilege to serve
on this team and to deliver a 20-minute talk on the meaning of life.
I delivered this to the young men only. In the original version
that I delivered to the boys, it contained some deeply personal pain and
some deeply personal struggles that I have overcome with the strength of
Jesus Christ during my time here on earth. I have taken some of
the specifics out here as appropriate for a more public forum! If
by some miraculous chain of events, the family of the young boy I talk
about should ever read this, I pray that you understand why it is
important for me to share this. Please know that although I never
met your son, he has had a greater impact on my life, and the life of my
family, than any person has ever had on my life. Not a day goes by
that I don't think of him at least briefly. Please know also that
I still pray and hurt for you. God bless you.
Good
afternoon.
My
name is Dave Dubois and I have been given 20 minutes to talk to you
about the meaning of life! I asked God about this assignment.
I said, “God, I can’t even hardly introduce myself in 20 minutes.
How in the world do you expect me to share the meaning of life with
these guys in 20 minutes?!” He said, “Trust me.” So, I
am.
As
I was preparing this talk it occurred to me that I have a “Charles
Atlas” type view of the meaning of life. How many of you
remember the old “Charles Atlas” advertisements? Well for you
young guys --- back in the day Charles Atlas ran an ad that had a
picture of this little scrawny guy on the beach with this beautiful
woman by his side. Along comes this big buff-looking bully who
kicks sand in his face and walks away with his girl. But then the
scrawny guy discovers Charles Atlas, his savior who promises him victory
over this bully with a plan to achieve total fitness and buffness!
Later, he goes back to the beach and kicks sand in the face of the bully
who stole his girl. And of course, he walks off with his girl into
the sunset. Well, just like that, I had this view of the meaning
of life that was quite scrawny and flimsy for many years. And a
few years ago this big bully called life came up and kicked sand into my
face and ran off with everything that I thought was important in life.
Fortunately, I found my own version of the Charles Atlas plan that
promised me victory against this bully! And unlike the Charles
Atlas in these advertisements, this Savior offers true hope, victory and
meaning!
So
let me share with you a two-part story – The Meaning of Life; Before
and After. This story is full of recollections and will be told in
two different styles. One a reflection and one a collection of
journal entries. So…
What
was the meaning of life to me before I was saved? Did I even think
about a purpose? I suppose I did but it was in very vague terms
like, “I want to be remembered as a good person” and “I want to
leave something of meaning behind.” But what can I truly leave
behind that has any true meaning? I think of the cemetery we
walked through at the reservoir a month or so ago. I can’t help
but think about the names and lives represented on those stones.
Life seems so inconsequential! Is that all there is? When I
die and they put a stone on my grave will it also be worn and falling
over in 100 years? Will my life have any meaning if that’s all I
leave behind? If I had died before I was saved, there was NOTHING
I would have left behind that would have mattered in the long run.
That probably sounds a bit hard considering my children would be left
here, but the truth is that by the time my children were grandparents
--- I would be unknown to their grandchildren. I know my
grandparents but I know nothing of my great-grandparents. So, what
would I have done that would have given my brief time here on earth any
meaning? Would the new YMCA I helped build in Pittsburgh count?
No. Few people today even remember that I had anything to do with
it. The building itself will be decayed and probably demolished
within the next 50 years. How about the money I leave? That
could be gone in an instant. Or it could be wasted and all trace
of me wasted with it. What about the friends I made? They
are important and start to get at the meaning of life, but the friends
themselves are temporary. I think of my wife’s great Aunt Ruth
who lived to be 96 years old and when she died, the only ones on hand to
care were her family. Where was the ripple effect of the many
friendships she had? If there was true meaning in those
friendships, then the families of all those friends should have been
there! But, they weren’t. As hard as I searched, I could
find no true meaning for my existence. So, as with most people,
one of two things happens. First, you can lose all hope in life
when you discover this. And, no matter how this one plays itself
out, it never ends up pretty. And secondly, you can manufacture a
meaning for your life. This is the path I was traveling along for
the first 40 years of my life. It’s a very popular path.
It is very well traveled. I made my life meaningful by
participating in sports in school (look at me, I’m somebody!); by
graduating from graduate school (look at me, I’m REALLY somebody!); by
being a nice guy (look at me, everybody likes me!); by marrying a
beautiful woman (look at me, I’m good!); by moving up successfully in
my chosen career (look at me, I got it going on!); by having four
beautiful children (look at me, I can reproduce!); by managing every
difficulty that came my way (look at me, I’m
tough/good/talented/savvy!); by being in total control over everything
that happened around me (look at me, I’ve got what it takes to
survive!). And the people around me? I don’t know, maybe I
had them all fooled. But I can remember very clearly thinking that
if people really knew me, they would be amazed at the things I knew all
too well about myself. And for sure I couldn’t let anyone in on
that stuff without totally blowing up the “meaning” of my life!
That meaning was that I was an “in control, self-sufficient, all
around good guy with a beautiful wife and a perfect family.” I
couldn’t possibly let anyone know that I struggled with many of the
same temptations that entrap most men. I couldn’t possibly let
anyone know that I was addicted to tobacco --- that kind of blows up
that All-American image. I couldn’t possibly let anyone know
that I was actually quite scared almost all the time in many arenas.
Not only at work where I sometimes felt (inside) totally inadequate, but
at home when I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) make my wife happy, or with my
children when I didn’t know what to do with them or how to handle some
of the situations we came across. The fact is that I spent most of
my life “posing for the crowd.” I felt like a fake --- but
that’s all I knew. I didn’t have any solid foundation to be
grounded in. I went to church when I was a kid but it wasn’t
anything that changed me or changed the way I saw life. It was
just more information for me to process. My only foundational
truth to live on was one of survival from one day to the next; and to
try your hardest to stay out of trouble. So how did all that
change? How did I come to the point where I know the TRUE MEANING
OF LIFE? Well, it’s a sad story and it happened all in an
instant…
Before
I get into the second part of this story, a few things you should know:
1)
I am employed as the Director of the YMCA in Kokomo.
2) The young boy I reference in this part of the story is a child who
was in our day camp program.
3) This is, unfortunately, a true story.
June
16, 2000
My God; he’s gone? How could this possibly happen? How can
life be so fragile? This is the kind of stuff that happens in
someone else’s life, not mine. How do I look a mother of a
6-year old boy in the eyes knowing that he’s gone and I can’t bring
him back? For the first time in a long while I prayed to God
today. I don’t even know if He’s there but it felt like the
right thing to do. I also realized today how incredibly powerless
I am. God, what do I do? What can I do?
June
17, 2000
Couldn’t sleep. Spent the day and most of the night trying to
console my staff. I wish everyone would stop looking at me.
I want to scream, “I don’t know HOW to handle this!” I am
numb! The newspaper is already starting to ask questions that I
don’t have answers for yet. Also have the TV stations calling
around and wanting to talk. I can’t do that. Don’t they
know that I hurt too?
June
18, 2000
Happy Father’s Day. God, I cried all day today thinking about
the fact that I don't really deserve to be a father. Right now,
somewhere out there is a father without a son! That’s almost
more than I can stand. I just want to crawl in a hole and hide…
forever! I feel so badly for my wife and kids. I’m such a
basket case and they must be a little afraid of who I am right now.
June
19, 2000
Well, a couple of beers last night finally allowed me to get a few hours
of sleep. Today was horrible. First day back after the
accident. A million questions were asked and I don’t have any
answers. I just want to run away! I wish everyone would just
leave me alone! Man how pitiful. Four days ago I had life by
the tail. I was on top and winning. Today, I wish I wasn’t
even in the game.
June
23, 2000
I can’t stand the pressure! It’s a weight I can’t bear at
all! Everybody looks to me for help and direction and I can’t
even help myself. How can I be so powerless?
June
25, 2000
It’s my son Kyle’s 13th birthday and I can’t even look
at him without thinking about another little boy and the fact that his
birthdays are over. I’m a worthless father and human being.
I’m sorry Kyle for not being able to celebrate with you this year…
July
3, 2000
How can I handle another birthday? This one #9 for Kelci. I
can’t help but think of how one family out there will spend their
"special day" this year. Cried all day. Sorry
Kelci for the way I’ve handled this special day of yours.
July
7, 2000
All I want is some peace. All I get is constant bombardment!
From newspapers, TV stations, bosses, employees, friends, family.
I’m sure it isn’t intended to be bombardment by some of them, but it
feels that way. I can feel myself spinning a bit out of control…
July
10, 2000
I can’t sleep. The only hope is to swallow down 3-4 beers and
hope I can get an hour at night. God, I can’t stand this!
I’m lost in my own life. And to think I used to think I had it
all together. And speaking of God, I’ve been praying every day
since June 16. Even picked up a bible for the first time in a LONG
WHILE. Maybe there are some answers there. I hope so…
July
15, 2000
I just need to leave home. Go away. I love Shirley so much!
I love Kyle, Kaitlyn, Kelci, and Keaton too, but I can’t stand what
I’m doing to them. I’m so angry! Popping off at the
slightest provocation. They would be so much better off without
me! I hate my life and what I’ve become. Won’t you all
just leave me alone? I don’t know how to answer your
questions. I don’t know if there are answers. Maybe God
knows. Ask Him!
July
20, 2000
Maybe I’ll just kill myself. That should make plenty of people
happy. I’m sure Shirley and the kids will be better off without
me. I know that I’ll be better off. I hate me.
July
30, 2000
When will this ever get better? I can’t sleep. I can’t
eat. I can’t look at people without wondering what they think of
me. The newspaper is relentless. Now they’re saying this
is some big conspiracy and we are covering up. Covering up what?
I still don’t know how it happened. How did I get here?
Two months ago I was in control. I had my life in order. I
was doing meaningful stuff. Or so I thought. Today, I want nothing
more than to be out of it. How completely meaningless everything
I’ve ever done really is amazes me. Control? Hardly! I’m
in control of nothing.
August
3, 2000
I spent the week with
my family this week and what a mess I was. And now my whole family
can see it --- my mom, my dad, my brothers and sister. I was
explosive. I can't stand the stress. I shaved my head just
because. I don't know what I thought it would solve. It
didn't solve anything. I yelled and cursed at some poor little
girl in an ice cream shop because she dared to get my order wrong.
I scared the daylights out of my wife and kids on the drive to Maine
when I yelled and cursed at a crazy driver who flew past us. This
anger at the world and at me is eating me up. It's killing me.
I don't know how much more I can take. I am so exhausted with
trying to keep it all together. I'm failing miserably...
August
9, 2000
I’m at the end of my rope. I’m in the cesspool of life.
I can’t take it. Something has got to give! God --- HELP
ME!
August
10, 2000
Unbelievable! Totally unbelievable! I cried out to God this
morning at 4 AM as I was making my way to bed. I was desperate and
I fell on my knees and said simply, “God, help me.” --- and I could
physically sense His presence when I got up an hour later. It felt
like an incredible pressure had been lifted. It’s kind of like
when I was in school and I had test or project that I had to do well in
in order to pass, and when I got my passing grade, there was this
overwhelming sense of relief. Same thing, only MUCH GREATER!
What an incredible peace I feel. It’s almost like I can hear a
voice that I trust saying, “Dave, it’s okay. If you will trust
me I will handle everything.” There is NO DENYING it. God
heard my simple plea and ANSWERED ME! Oh my, God is REAL!
August
27, 2000
As unbelievable as it seems to me, the sense of peace has stayed with me
and is an incredible source of comfort to me! And the bible is
starting to speak to me in ways it never has. Today, I find this
--- Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes everything to work
together for the good of those who love God and are called according to
His purpose for them.” And somehow, I know that God will make
this whole thing work together for His good.
September
15, 2000
Started going to church again a couple weeks ago. It’s a church
geared to guys like me. One’s with a lot of questions that are
genuinely seeking the truth of this Christianity thing. Funny
thing happened; I’ve loved it and can’t wait for Sundays!
Further proof that there is in fact a God! :o)
October
2, 2000
Wow, the bible is just flat out coming alive! Today I read this
--- Colossians 2:8-10 “Don’t let anyone lead you astray with
empty philosophy and high-sounding nonsense that came from human
thinking and from the evil powers of this world, and not from Christ.
For in Christ the fullness of God lives in a human body, and you are
complete through your union with Christ. He is the Lord over every
ruler and authority in the universe.” For 40 years I followed
these “empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense” that the world
tells us give meaning to life. But all of that is so fleeting and
temporary. It can all be made rubbish in an instant. I know
that far too well…
November
19, 2000
Praise God! Today is the day of my new birth! Today I felt
the presence of the Lord again and I could do nothing but give myself to
Him as He gave Himself for me. I don’t know what the future
holds, but I know that what I do for His Kingdom from here to the end of
my days on earth will have TRUE and ETERNAL meaning. His love for
me is everything!
June
26, 2003
Well, this weekend at the Awakening, I have another opportunity to labor
for Christ and His Kingdom. As always when I participate in
God’s Kingdom work, I am nervous and excited at once. Nervous
and excited both for the same reason: I know that THIS IS THE MEANING OF
LIFE! What God might do through me this weekend is not a temporary
experience like I chased for the first 40 years of my existence.
No. What He does through me today CAN have eternal consequences.
As always, I pray that He does use my words and message in some way to
impact ETERNITY. Imagine that! ME, impacting eternity.
Now THAT has meaning. There IS no meaning apart from the love of
our God. How I could have missed that fact for 40 years is
incredible. EVERYTHING that has real meaning and significance is
tied back into this amazing and awesome God. |
